Do you feel like you can never say no or that you’re constantly getting bossed around by people and life? Well, the good thing is, you’re a great person, and you’re what’s known as a ‘people pleaser’.
Feeling stressed and guilty due to fear of saying no to requests are common symptoms of people-pleasers; whether it be at home, from friends, or at work, you certainly aren’t alone. Constantly feeling like you have to please everyone only leads to one thing, being pushed around by the world, and as you can imagine, this isn’t great for your wellbeing.
If this is you, it’s time to set some boundaries and make sure you take care of yourself before anything else.
The Benefits Of Setting Boundaries
If you constantly spend your time running around after your friends, helping them do this, that, and the other, or if you’re always the one the boss asks to fill in or just finish another uncompleted task, you’re likely getting taken advantage of and pushed around.
Making it clear what you want, need to do and how you feel means you set boundaries and pave the way for one crucial factor—other people respecting you. Here are some of the fantastic benefits you’ll gain from setting some boundaries.
Have you ever met someone who laughs at everything and seemingly isn’t offended by anything? The same person probably says yes to every favor requested by friends and family. And at work, this person does 50% more work than everyone else. On the surface, this person may seem all well and good but have you ever wondered how they feel?
Conversely, how often do you meet people who stand their ground, decline requests, and show their real emotions? These people are rare and often come across as rude and selfish. This, however, is entirely normal, and the most confident people in the world have no issue turning down something that a less confident person may feel obliged to. Confident people say precisely what they mean, regardless of what others think.
Setting your boundaries by making it clear how you feel and admitting that you may be too busy to help someone isn’t selfish; it’s what confident people do all the time and is the first step in looking after number 1.
Being able to say no to others means you are much more likely to be independent. If you can make your own decisions on things, you won’t constantly be seeking guidance from others.
In addition to this, you won’t be getting ordered around by simply saying NO, I don’t have time to do that, or I’m busy doing something else right now.
A great idea to keep track of how you set and stick to the boundaries you set is through journaling. Either grab a notepad and paper or try the ByteLyfe App to record every time someone asks you for something, how you felt/responded, and their reaction.
Your Mental Well-being
Trying to please everyone is exhausting. As crazy as it might feel, this is what people-pleasing people do all the time. Constantly helping others, overlooking things that annoy you, laughing things off, and trying not to offend every single person you meet is draining and takes its toll on your mental health.
This type of behavior leads to constant anxiety, worrying about what others think of you, and you’ll find you have less energy and want to socialize less.
How To Set Your Boundaries
Now you know the effects of what no boundaries can do and how setting them can benefit you, so how exactly do you set such boundaries?
Communicate, communicate, communicate. And communicate some more. Making it extremely clear what you can/can’t do for someone and what is/isn’t ok is the major boundary you need to establish.
Whether it be a friend constantly asking you to run errands for them or a boss at work asking you to fill in for more shifts than you want to, you need to communicate clearly how you feel about it. For example, you may respond to a friend’s request, “Hey, I know I’ve helped you do this before, but I can’t do that again”. You don’t have to apologize or make an excuse; just say how you feel truthfully, and most people will respect it.
Don’t be scared to put your emotions on display and say how you feel. If someone says something that upsets you, say so. If you overlook things that don’t sit right with you, you will become someone who just puts up with things.
If you like something someone did for you, tell them. If something upsets you, let it show and make it clear to anyone. Whatever the situation, tell people how you truly feel, and it will lead to respect.
This is the big one. Saying no when you don’t want to do something. If you’re continually saying yes to every request by a friend or boss, try saying no; I can’t do this for you. Just give
your reason but don’t make an excuse, and you certainly shouldn’t have to justify yourself. Feeling like you need an excuse is likely created in your head.
If you want to help your friends, it’s probably a good idea to pick up an extra shift at work from time to time. But for the most part, put yourself first and if you have plans, say so. Never change your plans to help someone with something trivial.
Set Those Boundaries
So there we have it. How to set your boundaries whether at home, work, or any other social situation. If you resonate with this post and feel like you are a serial people pleaser, try setting some boundaries and implementing the techniques across all aspects of your life.
Setting boundaries can help you become more confident, independent, and a person who controls and runs your own life.